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Then the person says, “No.”
And then he says, “Well, that’s because it’s none of your business!”
But really he usually says “d@%# business,” but that’s usually just to his close friends.
Okay, that response, although funny, is not polite.
Here, let me try again.
One of our blog readers Sara (Sara without an h…not the one who asked this question) gave this idea for a creative way to answer people’s probing questions about your dating life. She said,
In my last ward which I had been in for ages, when ever one of the kind sisters asked me how my dating life was going I’d say, “fine thanks, how is your marriage?” totally freaked them out! Actually depending on who it was and what I could get away with I’d even say, “great, how’s your sex life?”
Haaaaaaaa I love it! So funny. And yet still maybe not in the “polite” category.
I think basically, when people ask rude questions, ESPECIALLY if they are people who should know better…people with children who married later in life, people who married later in life or are single still themselves, or people who are close to you and know what a sensitive subject marriage, dating, singles’ wards, etc. can be for you…I think that in these cases it’s okay to turn the question right around and ask it in a different form to those asking you the question. It should act as a little wake up call for them.
For example, a few years ago I saw my great uncle at a funeral. He has a daughter who is probably in her late 40′s and hasn’t yet been married…so, you think he’d know to leave single people alone. I was 25 at the time. He approached me at the funeral and said, “How’s the old maid?”…to which I instantly replied, “Fine, how’s the old fart?” Well, that got him laughing, as well as everyone else who overheard our conversation and I think it made him realize how rude that question was. And seriously, I was 25…I hate that in our culture I was already an “old maid.” Ahhhhhhhh!
Okay, I’m still really having trouble coming up with a really polite way to get the message across, but I think this next idea is actually a good one and is actually polite and yet to the point.
One way that I heard to basically tell people that you don’t want to answer their questions and not come across too rude (as long as your presentation is good) is just to smile and say, “you know, I don’t really want to talk about my _______(dating life, singles ward, last relationship, marital status,etc.) but let me tell you about _______ (this class I’m taking, a book I’m reading, a new hobby I’ve started, a place I just traveled to, etc.).” And then chatter on about something you do want to talk about. Just take control of the conversation and turn it into something you do want to talk about. Help the person asking these annoying questions see that there’s more to you then just your marital status…help them get to know more about you so the next time they talk to you they can maybe come up with a more intelligent question to ask you.
Okay, readers, please help me out here…I really can only think of this one way to respond that would really be considered polite. Do you have other polite ways to answer? Leave us a comment and let us know how you respond to the probing questions that people seem to love to ask us singletons. Also, feel free to throw in some funny ways too…even if they aren’t so polite. We won’t judge you…we’ve all been there!
Thanks everybody for your input!
Good luck out there!
Miss Jones
Posted in Uncategorized
I’m back. It’s been a very long absence. I’m sorry.
I don’t know why I haven’t been in the mood to write for a long time. I guess sometimes I just feel like no matter how much we talk or read or write about being single it doesn’t change anything and doesn’t help…that nothing changes…that we’re all still in the same situation and that talking about singleness doesn’t fix anything or make us feel any better.
But, maybe it does.
Recently I went to the beach. I’m kind of a Chicken of the Sea when it comes to getting in the ocean and other large bodies of water. It just takes me awhile to get comfortable with the idea. I love swimming, bodyboarding, snorkeling, and have even been SCUBA diving, but I’m not naturally one of those people who is just completely at ease with the ocean. I guess it’s my fear of drowning, my fear of getting sucked away by a rip current, my fear of sharks, my fear of seeing a bloated dead body, and my fear of other unlikely things, etc. So I have to force myself to get in. And I usually enjoy myself in the end, but sometimes it is hard for me to just jump right in. I have to constantly work at overcoming my fear.
In the last couple of weeks I was able to spend three days at the beach. For two of the days the beach was really crowded. There were tons of people out in the water. People were surfing, kitesurfing, windsurfing, bodyboarding, and just swimming. And those two days when there were plenty of people in the water I just got right in, without hesitation and I went out pretty far, because there were other people farther out than me and so I gleaned a little confidence from them.
But the last day I went to the beach it was a Monday and the place was pretty empty. And there weren’t many people in the ocean and those that were in weren’t out very far. But I knew that if I wanted to enjoy the ocean I needed to get in at least deep enough to bodyboard.
I’m SUCH a chicken though. I took me forever to get out there that third day. I did eventually get in and I had a great time. But I know that the only reason I made it out very far is that my mom was with me. And, although she’s also a pretty big wimp when it comes to the ocean, the fact that we were both going out gave us the courage to get in deep enough to bodyboard.
And here’s where I tie swimming in the ocean to being a single Mormon woman past the “normal” age for marrying.
When we’re all out there together and we know that there are others out there who are in our same situation it is easier to be brave. It’s an ocean teeming with people…if you aren’t the only one out deep it’s way less intimidating/scary to be there. And, at least if the beach isn’t full of swimmers having one or a few people with you to go out into the deeper water makes it more doable, even if you’re all a little scared or apprehensive or not confident. Just knowing that you aren’t alone in the big world of singleness is a nice thing, and helps us dare to be out there in those unfamiliar waters, because we don’t really have a choice but to be there…for now anyway.
And it doesn’t really matter if we all are a little confused, frustrated, or lacking in confidence. We can draw strength from each other just by sticking together and just from knowing that we aren’t the only ones in our situation.
So, I’m going to try to blog a bit more. I’m in unfamiliar waters, as are many of you. And maybe I have something to say that might help you. Or maybe we can get conversations started that make us feel less alone out in those unfamiliar waters. I need your strength and confidence and maybe you need some of mine too.
I’ve had a lot of really good questions submitted lately so I think I’ll start there and will try to answer them (or at least some of them). And, since I, of course, don’t know all there is to know on every topic or even on one topic I welcome your comments.
Let’s stick together out there!
Miss Jones
Posted in Uncategorized
Okay, I’ll admit, I might have a bit of a crush.
On two elderly German men.
This guy…
and this one…
Okay, not really. I’m not that weird. I think I just love their cute little accents and most of all their messages.
So, I thought I’d share their messages with all of you.
The first one is a little video clip that somebody made using part of a talk given by Enzio Busche at a BYU devotional all the way back in 1996. I just think he has so many good little words of wisdom. You can find it here. It is only about seven minutes long and is worth watching.
The second one is Elder Uchtdorf’s talk from the CES fireside just this month. I realize that (hopefully) most of you have already seen his talk but I just thought it was super excellent and wanted to post the link here.
And, just in case you don’t have time right now to watch the whole fireside (I promise though, it is worth it!) let me share with you all one of my favorite quotes from the talk. Elder Uchtdorf said…
“There those among you fine young members of the church who might never marry (pause here for a moment of sadness). Although they are worthy in every way, they may never find someone to whom they will be sealed in the temple of the Lord in this life. There’s no way for those who have not experienced this despair to truly understand the loneliness and pain you might feel…First, let me tell you that your prayers are heard. Your Father in Heaven knows the desires of your heart. I cannot tell you why one individual’s prayers are answered one way while someone else’s are answered differently. But this I can tell you, the righteous desires of your hearts will be fulfilled. Sometimes it can be difficult to see anything beyond the path immediately before you. We are inpatient and do not want to wait for a future fulfillment of our greatest desires. Nevertheless, the brief span of this life is nothing in comparison with eternity. And, if only we can hope and exercise faith and joyfully endure to the end hFiltering Hotladiesguide Lt Javascript:PopUp(7805) Hot Ladies Guide The Single Mormon Girl’s Guide to Lifez e m m Sexuality Hot Ladies Guide Hot Ladies Guide jFiltering Hotladiesguide Lt Javascript:PopUp(7805) Hot Ladies Guide The Single Mormon Girl’s Guide to Lifev p Ladies Movie